Walking on Egg Shells

Overall my life is great, better than great and I have nothing to complain about. How can I when I have been so richly blessed and have everything I every prayed for. That being said lately I have been feeling a little sensitive, well maybe very overly sensitive would be more honest. I have found myself feeling defensive about everything and everyone. Not only do I find myself walking on egg shells, but all of my loved ones as well. Feeling like I am an open wound taking in every weekness, insecurity, bout of anger, false sense of being of all those around me. A human sponge of raw emotion.
I am very good under pressure, but once I get passed the stressful situation and am safely on the other side I fall to pieces. With every move, family situation, life situation I react the same. So why I didn't see it coming I don't know. I, and we as a family have made it through so much this last year with the completion of our adoption, bringing the kids home, adjusting, home schooling, having a toddler back in the house, health issues, raising 5 kids and the holidays. Wow, so much I am surprised I did not crack sooner!!
But through it all we are blessed beyond measure. Every challenge was just a temporary issue. Our whole family is united, Sof is doing great in school, Helena is a healthy challenging 2 year old learning new things every day.
I am so grateful to God for continuing to whisper or in this case shout at me to wake up. For giving me peace and understanding of what was happening and the strength to stop. For allowing me, as always, to fall upon his strength and love, knowing he would see me through. I can't imagine how people with NO FAITH survive this human life. I know I could not nor would not want to do it alone. For God is my shelter, my high tower where I find refuge and safety. He covers me under his wing of protection and keeps me safe from the dark of the night.
I am thankfully feeling back to myself these days, feeling like I just went through rehab, delicate and fragile but on the road to recovery. Feeling stronger and more secure with each new day knowing that I owe it all to the one who trusted me with all of this to begin with.

Blake-Sweet 13

Oh my goodness I can't believe I have a "teenager" living in my house. Blake officially, or as he would say legally, became a teen on January 14th. I feel the need to be pinched. The years are flying by like the clouds on a windy day. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant and felt the flutter of his first movements in the womb. I never, not in my wildest dreams thought I could have given birth to such an amazing young man. He is beyond what I prayed for. His heart is so tender, sensitive and his mind is so beyond his years. I have always said he has a spirit far older than his years on this earth. He has so much going for him and yet he is completely humble to all that he is today and is to become. He is not the crazed monster teenage son I have feared. He is sweet, kind, gentle, reasonable, and fun to be around.
Blake like every 13 year old sadly is stuck on the image of what kids his age around him think and tell him he is. They are all so fragile and oh so insecure in every aspect of their existence. It's scary how much power they have over each other. I somehow thought the older they became the easier it would be to take care of their needs. I am now realizing that he needs Greg and I more now than he did when he was little. Pouring in our confirmations, love, acceptance, trust and guidance around the clock.
As much as it brings me joy to see him seeing the world in such a full view these days it also breaks my heart. His view is not so clear yet and so what he sees isn't always truth or reality. I am having to explain so much of the darkness that exists in our world, wishing I could shield him somehow from all of it, but knowing that I can not nor should not keep him in a bubble. Even though I would like to.
I thank God every day for placing Blake in my arms first. For if any of our other children had come first, I don't think I would be surviving these "teen" years. Blake though true to his age, makes this stage of our human life a delicate balance of firm, sweet and tender.

My hope and prayer for him is that God continue to shine his light upon him and keep his heart pure!!! For him to see himself as Greg and I see him and for the man that God is molding him into. Father God I pray you shield his spirit and his eyes from those things that are not from you. Keep him focused on what is true and good. Let him see and feel the joy of his age and the freedom and wonderful discovery that comes with it. Let him find trust and wisdom in those you place in his life. Hold him close so that he may feel you with every beat of his heart.

Call Me Parker

Well just as we thought Sofonyas was beyond the desire to change his name he has decided he would like to be called Parker. It all started when Greg and I were talking to him about our upcoming re-adoption hearing and what it entailed. Once he realized that he could change his name he quickly started coming up with names. Most of which resembled a super hero or Kung Fu icon. His top 5 were: Jet Lee, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Jackie Chan and Kung Fu Panda. We were fortunate to quickly scale down the list to that of just Parker and Bruce. We told him to try each one of the names out for a few days and then decide. After about 30 minutes of Bruce he came to me and said "I not Bruce, I Parker!". So we are proud to call him Parker Sofonyas Mott.

Twas a Merry Christmas!!

I can't believe Christmas has already come and gone. So much was packed into our 2 weeks off from school. Having such a large family makes it soo much fun!! There was never a dull or quiet moment. Even though a lot of our friends were gone for the holidays the kids were not without someone to play with. Living in Texas where we are blessed with 70 degree weather throughout the year is so wonderful. Though we might not get the snow fun, our days playing outside in the warmth of the sun are so delightful.
I decided to use all of the kids talents this Christmas by putting on a talent show for the family. Reagan, Sof and Caitlin sang carols for the extended family, leading into team games with everyone, concluding the festivities with a solo performance by Blake on his violin.
By far this was one of my favorite Christmas' ever!!! There was so much laughter by all.
It has dawned on my that since Sof has come he has experienced numerous birthday parties, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas= a whole lot of fun and presents. So now that the New Year has begun and we don't have any big events coming up he is in for a big surprise- party/present withdrawal. In fact he came to me the other day and asked me to buy him a watch, which I replied that we would not be buying anything right now and he would have to wait for his birthday or a special holiday. When he realized that wouldn't be until in the fall I thought he was going to loose it. He did pout for the rest of the day, but resumed a happier spirit the next morning. I had to remind him that he probably did not get everything he wanted when he wanted it when he lived in ET and that is not any different here in America. I can't really blame him after getting so much so quickly.
Blake, Mr. Smarty Pants asked Santa for world peace and therefore received a book from Santa called "How to Achieve World Peace", the second greatest book following the bible. He was not quite as humored by the gift as Greg and I but it was priceless to catch his reaction on video. We will enjoy that for years to come I am sure.
It was more difficult than I thought to get Sof up on Santa and the flying reindeer story. We finally achieved it when we made a night out of it by taking the whole family to see the Christmas lights, watch The Santa Clause movie and drink hot cocoa. It has caused a little confusion being that now he doesn't quite know when something is fake or real. I feel a little bad for that. Reagan and Sof were so funny, they really are two peas in a pod. They were conspiring for days about sleeping in front of the fireplace to catch Santa. Needless to say, they fell fast asleep in their beds that night. It helps to run them like dogs all day long!!! They all woke up to say they heard or say Santa or his reindeer on the rooftop. Caitlin even saw the reindeer on our grass in the front yard where we laid carrots out for them. Little Helena was clueless to all of the antics but giggled as if she was right there with them. It was really too cute and I had forgotten how much fun it was to have a little one around during the holidays. It makes it crazier for sure, but oh so cute!! There is so much truth to the saying "seeing life through the eyes of a child". I wish some days I could stay in the mindset!!
I am so grateful for having such a wonderful big family. When the kids would ask what I wanted for Christmas I would reply I already have it and looked at them. They thought I was being corny, but as I have gotten older there really is nothing more that I could want. They are so precious and my time with them is priceless for sure!!!!
Thank you father God for the greatest gift- your son and for the gift of life each day and all that it brings!!

Is Christmas Here Yet?

With the upcoming birth of our precious savior we have been a little extra busy celebrating the blessed event. Last Saturday we started our day with Caitlin and I attending the Nutcracker. An annual event and special one on one moment for her and I.

Then we quickly changed our clothes gobbled down some pizza to make it to our churches Christmas Story production which Reagan, Sof and Caitlin performed in. Can I say cute?!!!! Oh my goodness, it was a wonderful show and the kids did great. Reagan and Sof were a bit unsure but Caitlin loves any opportunity to sing and be the center of attention. I had to twist their arms a little to get them to do it, but in the end they all said they can't wait to be in it next year. I am not sure if it was that much fun for them or if the cookies and hot cocoa after made it for them. Either way it was great fun!!

Blake's violin concert

Blake performed at his Strings Christmas concert Monday night. In just a year his violin playing has improved so much. To think it was just a year ago he had never played and now he is playing with the big guys in Chamber at his Middle School. He has an amazing ear, which is a must when it comes to music. That is an ability he does not get from Greg or I. The two of us are not music savy or inclined to say the least. I am so proud of his committment to his music and I am so happy that he has found something he really enjoys. He blessed our family with a small private concert at home after Thanksgiving and he plans on performing for us all again at Christmas!!! What a joy!

Christmas Tidings!!!

Let's just say we had a merry making jolly good time decorating for Christmas this year! It really comes in handy to have so many kids. In years past it would take us a good 2 to 3 days to decorate and this year we were finished in 1 1/2 days. It certainly helped having Grandpa Middlebrook and made it oh so much fun.

Santa's Helpers

My angels
Helena and Blake-She loves her big brother!

Do you see what I was working with?

Helena joining in the sillies!

There's always time for a good Nutcracker dance

The Infamous Peanut Butter Gang

We finished just in time to make our lunchtime favorite: PBJ sandwhichs!

Sofism's

That son of mine says the funniest things. His English has come so far from when we first came home 4 months ago. Here are some of my favorites:

sit down=I put it down; "My bike sit down."

Fake yes= is it real?; "Dragon's fake yes?"

I turkey= I ate turkey for lunch; "I turkey at school today" (yes Sof you are definitely a turkey)

No, I eat more please= No thank you, I don't want any more; "Mom, no eat more chicken please".

My belly big= I am full; "oh mom, no more my belly big" (especially when it comes to veggies)

I love you so much ice cream= I love to eat ice cream; "I love you so much ice cream today at school."

And there are so many more!!

Congratultations Mom and Brian!!!

As of last Friday, December 12, 2008 my mother-in-law and her longtime boyfriend Brian finally made the decision to become man and wife and so they got married with a private ceremony on the beach in Florida where they live. We couldn't be happier for them. They have been together since before Blake was born almost 13 years ago, so as far as the kids are concerned have been concerned he has been Grandpa Brian, but now it's official.

Congratulations Mom and Brian, we love you and are so happy for you!!!

God-The Ultimate Teacher

As of Friday, November 21 we are home shooling no more. After 12 weeks of home schooling Sofonyas it was apparent we needed a change so we enrolled him into a small public school with a great ESL teacher.
In my heart and head when we brought Sofonyas home it was important to me to make sure he was well adjusted to his new life and that he and I had spent enough time together to establish a good bond before thinking of anything else. I had envisioned him staying at home with me until next year, next school year that is, but God made it quite obvious that I needed to let go of my visions in order to do what was best for Sof and that it was time.
Sof and my relationship was very strained to say the least. He looked at me as his prison guard only dishing out unfair and unjust punishment called school work on him. He was frustrated and wasn't aware of it or how to communicate it to me, only in acting out and treating me as his worst enemy. I would try to explain to him that if he wanted to go to school he could we just needed to make sure he was ready and wanting to go. He would tell me "NO SCHOOL!" and pout all day. He was missing out on the interaction with other kids his age. Helena and I were no replacement that was obvious. But when I would set up play dates or we would meet other boys his age he would shut down as well. He would not talk to any of us, especially me. I was the enemy there was no doubt about it. I seriously thought we had major issues. Little did I know that it was all about his daily routine and not me.
To make matters worse he would take out his frustration on Blake, Reagan and Caitlin. So things all around were tense, very tense. By the time Greg would get home I would be tied and fried with nothing let to give him but an ear full. I began to question our choice seeing how negatively it was impacting our whole family. I spent many days crying, praying and feeling sorry for myself. Holding on for the fear of the unknown and for selfish reasons to prove I was right.
Then within a couple days two dear friends of mine called me to say they were worried about me and saw the stress we were all under and suggested that I put Sof in school. After much deliberation, about 5 minutes at most I realized they were right so I quickly called the school counselor and the principal to discuss Sof's academic future. It never fails when we let go and let God every falls into place. I met that afternoon with them and within the next 48 hours he was enrolled and starting his first day.
Sof was very mad at me for making this choice, but I tried to explain to him I felt it was best for him and how much fun he would have. I figured it couldn't get any worse than it already was though. He didn't want to be at home and yet he too was afraid of going somewhere. Knowing this the day before he started we made it a big deal around the house and we drove the whole family by his new school. We all took a tour and met his teacher. By the time we left he looked at me with a little smile and said "mom, my school?". I said "yes baby if you want it to be." His smile grew bigger and he said "Yes, oh yes!!"
The next morning I walked him into class where he was quickly greeted by all his classmates. There is even a little boy from Africa whose name is Sofie. He does not speak Amharic, but then either does Sof if you ask him. His English is far from perfect but he has come a long way. He smiled and then said "Bye mom I stay all day". To be honest since I was so still so frustrated at him I was fine to let him stay. I could really use the break as well.
He has been there for 2 weeks now and I can't praise God enough for all the good that has come from this change. Sof from the first day loves school. He is excited and wants to read to me and do his work as soon as he gets home. His relationship with with the kids has greatly improved, it's as if they are all equal now. He loves to tell me stories of all the things he did each day and of his new friends in school. Most of all our relationship is blossoming. He is warm, happy and affectionate to me, looking me in the eye to say "I love you mom" and kiss me on the lips.
My heart melts every night I tuck him into bed and he asks me to stay with him a little longer for more snuggles and giggles.
I am so grateful for God bringing my friends foreword to have the guts to talk to me and for the kids school for taking the time and consideration to do what was best for him. I have learned so much from this situation. I think I was holding on to MY expectations of being successful at home schooling, not realizing that to be a successful mom it's not about us, it's about the success of our children. That I was not failing at home schooling but failing Sof as a mom by holding onto what wasn't right. I don't think doing it much sooner would have been right but I am so thankful I did not let it go any longer.
Since being a stay at home mom I have found myself seeking out ways to feel successful or boost my ego. This sadly was one of those moments by forcing my home schooling visions on Sof. I now realize that I am a good mom by realizing what is best for my children and following through on their behalf. I give thanks to God for teaching me this. For God is the Ultimate teacher, not I!!

What happens in the potty stays in the potty!

It's potty time!!! I know I must sound crazy but I am really happy that Helena was not potty trained like we thought. This gives me the privilege of being part one of life's biggest milestones.
I have been trying to get her to go pee pee on the potty for the last month or so. Most days we are successful. She is far from potty trained but it is a step in the right direction. Since we brought her home she has without fail gone number 2 while she sleeps making this a bit of a problem in our training process. After discussing this with many mommies we all believe that she is the most relaxed during her sleeping allowing her body to do it's thing. It's not pretty but it's a reality.
Well yesterday morning as I put her precious tush on the potty as usual, she sat there for a minute and then got this very peculiar look on her face. Not one I had ever seen before. The next thing I know she is jumping off the potty and putting her face down into the bowl and then looking to me screeching something at me (maybe baby Amharic for what the heck is this mommy?) Once I looked into the magic bowl I realized what had happened and couldn't help but laugh and cry tears of joy. All I could think is there is a light at the end of the tunnel for our previous potty challenge.
I proceeded to cheer her for being such a big girl and dance around the bathroom with her. The whole time I am thrilled by the event Helena on the other hand is still very distressed by it. I guess I should have taken her emotion a little more serious because before I knew it she was back at the magic bowl trying to retrieve what she had just lost. I didn't realize since she had never been conscience for this event before she might be upset by it. I had heard of children crying about this before but I had never seen it with my own two eyes until yesterday.
Needless to say, the rest of yesterday and today she has been very apprehensive to go near the bathroom. I am not worried though, I have never met an adult who was not potty trained.

Reagan Scissor Hands

Yes, my dear sweet Reagan, who is 9, took it upon himself to give his bangs a wack in school today. I expected this from Helena, maybe even Caitlin, but not Reagan at his age. Reagan yes, but not a nine year old. This reminds me just how young in spirit my son is.

He came in the house after school the other day with his bangs pushed over his forehead, like a badling man does with a long strand of hair to make it appear as though there is more. I quickly felt something was up so I asked him to come over to give me a hug and his reply was "Mom, how about I blow you a kiss from here. He knew, I knew. So I asked him again to come to me, this time in my direct mother voice and he came with his head hung low, like a naughty dog. Once I got a closer look at what he had done, which was cut it directly to the scalp, I asked him "what were you thinking my dear?". He said "I just wanted to cut my bangs a little. Am I in trouble, I told the truth?" I told him he would not receive any further punishment, because he would be getting the rest of his hair cut to match his doings. He was a little upset, but was glad not to be receiving any more consequences than that. What can I say, boys will be boys and I believe Reagan is the posterchild for this saying. I do love that sweet sometimes foolish boy of mine.

Thanksgiving Bliss

We have so much to give thanks for this year. I don't even know where to begin. My heart is truly running over. The whole family was together including my father, Greg's mom and her boy friend Brian, Greg's cousin Heather and her boyfriend TJ , Mamaw and Papaw, Sharon and Tye and Greg's dad. What a wonderful week long celebration. Sof, even after days of trying to explain what Thanksgiving was all about, didn't understand and didn't care. All he knew is that the days were filled with food, fun and family. I think we all felt that way. Not only was it Thanksgiving but we also celebrated Greg's dad's birthday and his mother's birthday as well. Needless to say we ate way too much. I think we were the butter balls at the table that day. God was definitely shining down upon us all. Our days were so blissful, it was kinda of sickening, really. If I had written it, I could not have do so any better. The timing of Thanksgiving couldn't have been any better, we have finally gotten over that horrendous adjustment phase and now are on the other side where life is sweet again. Dreams do really come true.

Father God I give thanks to you for all that you have given us, our health, our family, great friends, a safe home, good employment, good schools, this amazing county we live in, the troops that give of themselves so we may have our freedom, the awesome weather we have down here in the south allowing us to play outside in the warmth of the sun and your perfect timing in our lives. And that's just the beginning. With the completion of our journey to Sof and Helena and us all being together as a family, in every way, I am so grateful.

Do Blonds Really Have More Fun?

I will let you know. For years I have wanted to color my hair but have never had the nerve to do. Well last week after one of my dearest friends had to shave her head, I realized it's only hair so why not. I went in to change it to light brown and walked out drastically different. I am not sure whether it's my attitude that is different or if because blond's just naturally stand out, but I am not getting the attention I used to. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing either. It's been kinda fun being a brunette. Someone told me that people will take me more seriously but once I open my mouth that will be the end of that. I may have darkened my hair, but I am a blond at heart. Greg said he thought it was pretty, I am not sure if he was just saying that so not to hurt my feelings. Blake and Reagan said they now feel as though people are going to look at them as though they are the adopted ones in our family. They crack me up. Caitlin is a little sad, she liked the idea of us looking so alike. I told her maybe now instead of people looking toward Helena right off the bat maybe they would look at her unique beauty. Each of us are made in Jesus' image and are created like snow flakes, one of a kind. I am not sure how long it will stay this way but it's here for now.

Back to the Future

I am in serious need of a time machine to give me the ability of slowing or even better stopping time to allow me to catch up, which I am so desperate to do these days.
My oh MY how times flies when you are having fun!!! The last few months between homeschooling and taking care of everyone has left me with absolutely no time to breath, blog or even think for that matter. My life has been filled with so much joy, sadness, madness, exhaustion, tenderness and did I mention JOY!!!

So here are few of the things that have been filling our days:

Sof's B-day!!!
The smile says it all!!! He had a blast. I am not sure who was more excited; Greg and I or Sof. I think Greg and I for Sof didn't know what to expect. Greg and I were giddy with anticipation of sharing the joy of celebrating the great day that God brought you to earth. We now know that Sof loves white cake, or vanilla cake as he calls it. He now thinks birthdays are a week long celebration full of presents, parties, friends, cake and fun. He is shamelessly already counting down the days until his next one. It was everything in my power not to try to indulge too much feeling like I was making up for the 8 years we didn't have with him. I give thanks to God for getting him here in time not to miss out on his 9th. He is such an amazing little boy, who is growing like a weed both inside and out. Within the last few months he has packed on 10 pounds 2 1/2 inches and 3 shoe sizes. And he has grown so much emotionally as well. He is not the same little guy we bought home. He definitely has the same fun loving spirit, but he is now secure and found his place as a member of the Mott family. He fits in so well. I may not have given birth to him from my womb, but he is definitely a my son and God created him knowing he would be ours. It tickles me to watch him grow and I can't wait to see him become the Godly Mott man he created him to be. With Sof's amazing spirit I know he has great things in store for him.

Halloween

What a perfect day to share with Sof; candy, costumes and running till you drop. All the kids had a blast. Greg took the boys and I took the girls. Sof couldn't slow down to save his life and Helena was content to do nothing but be the princess in her stroller and eat her candy. It was everything in my power to slow her down from eating too much. Blake was too old to participate so he thought until the idea sunk in that would mean NO candy, so we scrambled at the last minute to come up with an age appropriate costume. It's really hard to find a decent costume for someone on the brink of teenagehood without it being too scary or vulger.

In years past the boys fly through the neighboorhood with the mission of hitting every house and filling their bags until they bust. Caitlin was always fine with taking her time to socialize along the way. But this year it was like Freaky Friday. The boys barely made it through first 3 streets and Caitlin and her friends were set out to run the whole way. It was a good thing I had my running shoes on this year. I can't wait to see what next year will be like. I better start training since I will likely be in two different directions between the girls.

Caitlin's B-day

I can't believe my baby girl turned 6!!! She has grown so much both physically and mentally this last year. She is such a beauty both inside and out, it makes my heart soar. With every year her freckles increase. We like to call them her angel kisses. She has sprouted a good 4 inches making her legs look incredibly long. She is not the baby anymore for sure. Her maturity towards her new siblings, especially her baby sister astonishes me. She was knocked off her thrown of baby the baby girl and she had handled it so gracefully. She is not the center of attention on most occasions anymore and that is something she is learning to handle with more understanding and less sadness or acting out. I am so proud of the daughter in Christ she is and is growing to be. She is truly my angel sent from heaven. With each day that passes she and Helena grow closer. Which couldn't be any cuter. Helena lights up when she sees Caitlin and I was even priveledged to witness Caitlin grab Helena's hand and help her up the stairs to her room where they played My Little Petshops together. Caitlin has even said lately how happy she is to have a little sister and that when she grows up she wants to adopt a Chihuahua puppy and a little girl. What more can I ask for than a daughter who is aware and wants to care for all of God's creatures!!

Thank you sweet Jesus for allowing me the priviledge of being a part of something so magical and wonderous!!!!