Walking on Egg Shells

Overall my life is great, better than great and I have nothing to complain about. How can I when I have been so richly blessed and have everything I every prayed for. That being said lately I have been feeling a little sensitive, well maybe very overly sensitive would be more honest. I have found myself feeling defensive about everything and everyone. Not only do I find myself walking on egg shells, but all of my loved ones as well. Feeling like I am an open wound taking in every weekness, insecurity, bout of anger, false sense of being of all those around me. A human sponge of raw emotion.
I am very good under pressure, but once I get passed the stressful situation and am safely on the other side I fall to pieces. With every move, family situation, life situation I react the same. So why I didn't see it coming I don't know. I, and we as a family have made it through so much this last year with the completion of our adoption, bringing the kids home, adjusting, home schooling, having a toddler back in the house, health issues, raising 5 kids and the holidays. Wow, so much I am surprised I did not crack sooner!!
But through it all we are blessed beyond measure. Every challenge was just a temporary issue. Our whole family is united, Sof is doing great in school, Helena is a healthy challenging 2 year old learning new things every day.
I am so grateful to God for continuing to whisper or in this case shout at me to wake up. For giving me peace and understanding of what was happening and the strength to stop. For allowing me, as always, to fall upon his strength and love, knowing he would see me through. I can't imagine how people with NO FAITH survive this human life. I know I could not nor would not want to do it alone. For God is my shelter, my high tower where I find refuge and safety. He covers me under his wing of protection and keeps me safe from the dark of the night.
I am thankfully feeling back to myself these days, feeling like I just went through rehab, delicate and fragile but on the road to recovery. Feeling stronger and more secure with each new day knowing that I owe it all to the one who trusted me with all of this to begin with.

Blake-Sweet 13

Oh my goodness I can't believe I have a "teenager" living in my house. Blake officially, or as he would say legally, became a teen on January 14th. I feel the need to be pinched. The years are flying by like the clouds on a windy day. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant and felt the flutter of his first movements in the womb. I never, not in my wildest dreams thought I could have given birth to such an amazing young man. He is beyond what I prayed for. His heart is so tender, sensitive and his mind is so beyond his years. I have always said he has a spirit far older than his years on this earth. He has so much going for him and yet he is completely humble to all that he is today and is to become. He is not the crazed monster teenage son I have feared. He is sweet, kind, gentle, reasonable, and fun to be around.
Blake like every 13 year old sadly is stuck on the image of what kids his age around him think and tell him he is. They are all so fragile and oh so insecure in every aspect of their existence. It's scary how much power they have over each other. I somehow thought the older they became the easier it would be to take care of their needs. I am now realizing that he needs Greg and I more now than he did when he was little. Pouring in our confirmations, love, acceptance, trust and guidance around the clock.
As much as it brings me joy to see him seeing the world in such a full view these days it also breaks my heart. His view is not so clear yet and so what he sees isn't always truth or reality. I am having to explain so much of the darkness that exists in our world, wishing I could shield him somehow from all of it, but knowing that I can not nor should not keep him in a bubble. Even though I would like to.
I thank God every day for placing Blake in my arms first. For if any of our other children had come first, I don't think I would be surviving these "teen" years. Blake though true to his age, makes this stage of our human life a delicate balance of firm, sweet and tender.

My hope and prayer for him is that God continue to shine his light upon him and keep his heart pure!!! For him to see himself as Greg and I see him and for the man that God is molding him into. Father God I pray you shield his spirit and his eyes from those things that are not from you. Keep him focused on what is true and good. Let him see and feel the joy of his age and the freedom and wonderful discovery that comes with it. Let him find trust and wisdom in those you place in his life. Hold him close so that he may feel you with every beat of his heart.

Call Me Parker

Well just as we thought Sofonyas was beyond the desire to change his name he has decided he would like to be called Parker. It all started when Greg and I were talking to him about our upcoming re-adoption hearing and what it entailed. Once he realized that he could change his name he quickly started coming up with names. Most of which resembled a super hero or Kung Fu icon. His top 5 were: Jet Lee, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Jackie Chan and Kung Fu Panda. We were fortunate to quickly scale down the list to that of just Parker and Bruce. We told him to try each one of the names out for a few days and then decide. After about 30 minutes of Bruce he came to me and said "I not Bruce, I Parker!". So we are proud to call him Parker Sofonyas Mott.

Twas a Merry Christmas!!

I can't believe Christmas has already come and gone. So much was packed into our 2 weeks off from school. Having such a large family makes it soo much fun!! There was never a dull or quiet moment. Even though a lot of our friends were gone for the holidays the kids were not without someone to play with. Living in Texas where we are blessed with 70 degree weather throughout the year is so wonderful. Though we might not get the snow fun, our days playing outside in the warmth of the sun are so delightful.
I decided to use all of the kids talents this Christmas by putting on a talent show for the family. Reagan, Sof and Caitlin sang carols for the extended family, leading into team games with everyone, concluding the festivities with a solo performance by Blake on his violin.
By far this was one of my favorite Christmas' ever!!! There was so much laughter by all.
It has dawned on my that since Sof has come he has experienced numerous birthday parties, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas= a whole lot of fun and presents. So now that the New Year has begun and we don't have any big events coming up he is in for a big surprise- party/present withdrawal. In fact he came to me the other day and asked me to buy him a watch, which I replied that we would not be buying anything right now and he would have to wait for his birthday or a special holiday. When he realized that wouldn't be until in the fall I thought he was going to loose it. He did pout for the rest of the day, but resumed a happier spirit the next morning. I had to remind him that he probably did not get everything he wanted when he wanted it when he lived in ET and that is not any different here in America. I can't really blame him after getting so much so quickly.
Blake, Mr. Smarty Pants asked Santa for world peace and therefore received a book from Santa called "How to Achieve World Peace", the second greatest book following the bible. He was not quite as humored by the gift as Greg and I but it was priceless to catch his reaction on video. We will enjoy that for years to come I am sure.
It was more difficult than I thought to get Sof up on Santa and the flying reindeer story. We finally achieved it when we made a night out of it by taking the whole family to see the Christmas lights, watch The Santa Clause movie and drink hot cocoa. It has caused a little confusion being that now he doesn't quite know when something is fake or real. I feel a little bad for that. Reagan and Sof were so funny, they really are two peas in a pod. They were conspiring for days about sleeping in front of the fireplace to catch Santa. Needless to say, they fell fast asleep in their beds that night. It helps to run them like dogs all day long!!! They all woke up to say they heard or say Santa or his reindeer on the rooftop. Caitlin even saw the reindeer on our grass in the front yard where we laid carrots out for them. Little Helena was clueless to all of the antics but giggled as if she was right there with them. It was really too cute and I had forgotten how much fun it was to have a little one around during the holidays. It makes it crazier for sure, but oh so cute!! There is so much truth to the saying "seeing life through the eyes of a child". I wish some days I could stay in the mindset!!
I am so grateful for having such a wonderful big family. When the kids would ask what I wanted for Christmas I would reply I already have it and looked at them. They thought I was being corny, but as I have gotten older there really is nothing more that I could want. They are so precious and my time with them is priceless for sure!!!!
Thank you father God for the greatest gift- your son and for the gift of life each day and all that it brings!!